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Obedience in the Waiting

On April 30, 2022 by Anna De Lay

Not too long ago, one of our teen daughters told me a truth I needed to hear. She said she got interested in music and worship because of us (her musical parents), but now we “aren’t even doing anything”…

Ouch.

Sometimes, the truth hurts.

Yet, apparently it didn’t hurt too bad at first because I immediately began making excuses…

Excuse #1 I’ve had a rough time with my health, especially in the last year.

Then I realize it’s been over 5 years since my husband and I were consistently engaged in music ministry together or any (public) ministry in fact… and I’m sunk. How can I blame my lack of perseverance and passion in something I claim to love on having a baby mid-30s and my body drastically changing on me?
Excuse #2 Montana is just hard.

It’s always been hard for me spiritually; and at times, emotionally.

Excuse #3 It’s even harder that I’m an introvert in a part of the country that is more reserved in relation to others.

I’ve often wondered what God was thinking placing a backward Oklahoman in an area so keen on being independent!

Excuse #4… I miss the kind of church I grew up in.

I realize how easy it really is to live for God in the Bible Belt, and in the South in general where most people claim to be Christian and are for the most part welcoming and hospitable. Most churches still have altar calls and prayer for needs, and if God is moving, a chorus can be sung 10 more times without a thought. I miss being right in the thick of it.

But how many excuses can I make here without asking God to use me where I’m at? Have I even done that?

Moving back to Montana this time (5 1/2 years ago) was really rough on me emotionally. I love the mountains, but my heart ached for my family and friends, for Southern hospitality, for Southern food… for some extrovert to take me under their wing and adopt me… 😉

I withdrew from outings. I was depressed and cried all the time. I was angry at my husband for allegedly taking me from my family and friends, even though it was a family decision. Angry at God for allowing such turmoil in my mind and for unanswered prayers. Our daughters were also having a hard time in the growing. It was a rough year! I was pregnant with our son at this time as well, and so emotions were all over the place.

That second year though, God began to get through to me. I had a series of dreams that revealed my disobedience, my idolatry of family and friends, and clearly displayed that I was not living up to my God-given potential. The Lord even spoke audibly in one dream where I was pacing back and forth, unsure and anxious:

God asked, “What are you so afraid of?”

I answered, “Of failing.”

Then He said, “Do what you know to do and I will send help for the rest.”

Do what you know to do.

However trite this may seem to anyone else, I know God was speaking to me. It changed my depressed mode of thinking as well as my complaining of our circumstances, and I suddenly remembered my responsibilities toward my family. A light bulb came on💡, and I became more hopeful of the future.

I realized purpose and ministry was right in front of me.

I made up my mind after that. Montana was home, and God had us here for a reason.

But opportunities to use our gifts and talents for God didn’t (and still don’t) come to us so easily like they did in Oklahoma and Arkansas. And my pregnancy and recovery was anything but smooth! How easy it is to revert back to the wandering when things don’t go right! (I’ve often been like the children of Israel, pining for what’s behind rather than living in the purpose God has for me today.)

Over these last few years, I have wondered what “Do what you know to do” means. What do I know to do? Well, it’s simple really:

• Read and study God’s Word. Write out my study notes.
• Get up early to pray and spend time with God.
• Trust Him in everything and with everything.
• Feed and clothe my family.
• Love and support my husband.
• Teach my children. Be a better example of diligence.
• Truly love others.
• Fellowship with other believers.
• Give of my time, money, and resources for others.
• Be hospitable. Invite people over.
• Take care of my home.
• Keep worshipping God even when I’m down. (This is a big one for me.)

That’s it. None of these are hard to do. But, of all these things I know to do, some I haven’t done at all, and some others, I haven’t done well. This season of life seems like a wilderness. Maybe I’m walking through the desert like the ancient Hebrews did because of my disobedience to these simple tasks. Maybe I haven’t learned a simple truth God is trying to get through to me. Maybe God is using our daughter to say, “Hello? Wake up!”

In the waiting, in the pressing, am I still praising him? In the unknowing, am I still obedient? In the blessings and even in the stresses of life, am I giving back to God by giving to others?

What about you? Is God speaking a simple truth but you’ve been unwilling to listen? Are you being disobedient by disregarding something so simple as “invite people over” or “give of your time”? God invites us both today to be good stewards of the gifts and callings he has given us. Even in the waiting and unknowing, we can still serve the Lord with joy and thanksgiving by simply doing what we already know to do. What is God speaking to your heart today?

Prayer: Heavenly Father, please forgive me of my disobedience. Forgive my disregard for your words. They are life and they are blessing to those who not only hear them, but also obey. Forgive me for getting caught up in the cares of this life and forgetting what you’ve already spoken. Help me to obey your voice and do what you have called me to do even in this season of unknowing. Help me to be a better steward of what you’ve already given me and trust you fully for the outcome of my life. Amen.